I'm noticing how I always defer doing things in the moment. Isn't that the only time I can do anything? Waiting for a deadline or for the right mood to strike is a completely self-imposed pattern. The other day I was thinking about how there really is "no thing" which has to be done in the moment. Yet, if I put it off, that just creates needless chaos. Maybe that is why I never feel "bored" because I am deliberately creating chaos in order to keep the drama going. Having plans, planning ahead, gives me an anchor into the future, around which I can more easily accomplish stuff I want to complete. This is not making much sense.
What am I trying to say? I am the creator of my future. If I don't want to have a string of ordinary days with little accomplished, I have to set some goals and move towards implementing them. Otherwise, there is really no need to do any particular thing on a given day. Just keep writing...then maybe there will be some clarity or insight. I know the process is what's valuable although I am judging myself for not having any instant results...
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